General Tips

Online dating has its set of dos and don'ts, its etiquette which you need to learn and master, e.g. what to write in your profile, your emails, what kind of photo to put, when to give out your phone number, etc. Same as learning a new set of social customs in a new setting, whether you start out to night clubs or make a move to a new city or country, the online dating board also has its own set of rules. And the faster you learn them, the faster you start reaping the fruits-meeting lots of new people, going out a lot, and having a good time.

Numbers game

Even in online dating men are initiating the first contact more often than women. This is probably because male profiles outnumber female profiles (data from Amigos.com). However, for both parties, romance is still a numbers game.

What that means is: get ready to contact a large number of people. People are inundated with virtual kisses and icebreakers, so it's your profile and what your write about yourself which will set you apart.  After creating an informative and catchy Ad, you can generally start out by sending a simple message to the people you are interested in: "Hello, I am xxxx, I liked your profile, and would like to get to know you better. Please write me at *your-email-address* if you are interested." This email is an invitation for the other person to come and have a look at your profile - the profile should do the talking. Long introductory, tailor-made emails are a waste of time - because people are getting lots of emails and will often ignore a long-winded email.  You need to send a simple "first contact" email out to a lot of people, and soon you should get some good responses to your Ad.

Do read the Ads of the people you write to carefully before writing to them, you might be just wasting your time (e.g. religious preferences & smoking habits).

Informative Ads

The importance of clear and informative ads cannot be overstressed. Not to mention that if you just say "I am looking around to meet some people, was just curious.."  a lot of bored people from Germany will be writing you! In general, the more information you put in your Ad, the less the number of useless responses you receive. An intelligent person should spend a good amount of time looking at other people's Ads, because selecting dates or a partner is probably the most important thing we do in our adult life. With that, keep in mind that even after you have started meeting people, you may not get "hooked up" right away. Give it a few months at least before you get some results. Communication should evolve from email exchanges to telephone conversations (for security purposes, just to avoid the offhand lunatic out there, make sure you have the other party's number), and then to a personal meeting for a lunch or coffee-first dates always in the daytime, less stressful for both parties. After that, it is all genes and chemistry. Let's face it-love is hard to find. But at least if you are going out with a lot of people, meeting new people quickly and efficiently (a key advantage of online dating), you can expect to find someone to fall in love with faster.

Don't be shy in your profile, or try to be overly politically correct. If you think you don't want to go out with people with kids, say so. If you have some particular preferences for physical attributes, height, body weight, etc. do mention them clearly. You save yourself unnecessary communication, and so does the other party.

It is a bad idea to be negative, whine, or complain, in your ad, even if you've had some unsatisfying dating experiences or relationships in the recent past. In such cases, maybe it is better to be single and just smell the roses for some time, until you feel really ready to meet new people again. However, mentioning negative details in a matter-of-fact  way is fine, e.g. women saying "Men who are not looking for a committed relationship please do not write."

Screens and Searches

Use the screens or the searches available on your dating site wisely (How to select a dating site?). You can screen for people living close to you, choose physical attributes, religious preferences, smoking and drinking  habits, and many more categories. Yahoo even has a screen based on sense of humor type (nothing funny about that...).  Learning to use these screens will save you considerable time-by narrowing down the pool of potential candidates quickly.

Photo

It is surprising how many people are still shy about putting their photo online. They are scared that the guy they work with, or another acquaintance, will discover their profile and somehow that makes them uncomfortable. Well, guess what: those other people are the ones who are behind the curve. Online dating is here to stay, and you must be completely comfortable with putting a profile on the Net, with photos, to look for a partner. This WILL BE (it may already be) the most popular way to meet new people. By being upfront about putting your personal ad and your photo on a dating site, you are embracing the future.

Screening out after the responses

After you have some responses from people who you would like to know more, you start the second screening process. Remember that it is likely that the people writing to you are also writing to other people. Therefore, some email exchanges will just cut off very abruptly; this is a part of online dating which people find very difficult to digest at first, but it happens in real life too. It is just that in real life maybe we get clued in a little better when someone doesn’t want to communicate with us anymore, plus they are more polite-they will say they are busy with work so they won’t be able to go out, etc. Get ready for some rude disappearances on the Internet-but don’t take them personally. It is just people optimizing their time and spending their time communicating with people who they feel they will get along the best with. And if you have lots of responses, as I did, you will sometimes act the same way-even if you are not a rude or impolite person in real life.

Once you have started to get to know someone interesting, normally with you exchanging emails with them, you may want to keep an eye out to see if they have been lying. A recent study found that men are most likely to lie about whether they are in a relationship, and women about their physical attributes and how they look. So ask for more photos, and ask directly if they are single or in a relationship.

Online Dating Safety

This section is more for the women than the men.

Your chances of running into an offhand lunatic are not any higher online than they are in real life, but some precautions are new and apply only online.  These are just safety measures, and should not in any way make you paranoid or less excited about finding love online. Think of it as just putting on your seat-belt in your car-that’s all.

Always exchange phone numbers. When you give him yours, take his. Call him at the number to confirm that he has not lied.  

Once you do decide to meet a guy, it is absolutely important that you have the first meeting in a public place. Do not meet a man in a hotel if he is from out of town. Do not have him pick you up at your house; you don’t want him to know where you live. Before going on the first date, make sure you inform some friend, roommate or family member that you are going to meet Mr. XXX finally, after having known him through the Internet.

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